Grace in our Time of Need Part 6 (conclusion): God Hears

Unanswered Prayers

A few years ago, during an advent service at church, I remember feeling so alone. The first unity candle, signaling our hope in Christ, was lit by a young couple and their two year-old daughter, her pigtails bobbing with each step. As I sat in my pew alone, I remembered when we were them, healthy and strong, ready to face the world, excited to be serving the Lord—and the tears started to flow. I have no hope today, God, I silently confessed.Our Sunday School class was struggling with questions I knew Dave could answer, if only God would release him to the service he loved. Instead Dave was home, left with no answer to the unthinkable question: Will I need to be taken care of for the rest of my life?

I know the question comes with the depression and anxiety of having a chronic illness. But that doesn't erase the pain of the question, or the agony of not knowing. There is a truth in there that Jesus understood. Remember in the Bible when Lazarus died, Jesus wept. He felt deeply the pain that Mary and Martha felt. It didn't matter that He knew He could bring Lazarus back to life—understanding didn't erase the pain of the moment. He called out to God, and God heard—and answered—and Lazarus was brought back to life.

And isn't that what we all long for, the God who answers with His power and love? Then we know our prayers have been heard.

But God doesn't answer simply yes—or no or wait awhile. When Jesus cried out to God the night before His death, "take this cup from me,” Hebrews 5:7-9 says He was heard. The passage reads, “During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him…”

God heard—but He didn’t remove the cup.

And God answered powerfully and with love as He strengthened Jesus' resolve to say "not my will, but yours be done."

We do not have a benign paternal God who looks down from on High with occasional sympathy. We have Emmanuel: God with us. The God whose Holy Spirit has chosen to dwell IN us. Do we stop to think what this means? The God who lived through intense anguish in His life on earth, continues to choose to live through it along with us. He doesn't merely see our pain; He says that "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Mt 25:40). He is hungry, thirsty, a stranger, naked, sick, and in prison, along with us. When He says "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," He means to impart a depth of love and grace that if we truly understood it, would take our breath away.

What you and I live through, often involuntarily, God has chosen to live through with us, intimately, daily, weeping with us.Why He would choose pain rather than immediately use His power to "fix" everything, I don't know—but I have a glimpse of some possibilities. I think Jesus knows that power doesn't erase pain—He wept when Lazarus died, even though he then went on to raise him from the dead. When someone lives through something with us—really cares—they can comfort in a way someone more distant can't. On a deeper level I sense, as strange as this may sound, that God thinks we are worth the pain He goes through with us—and that the prize He is seeking is us, is relationship with us.

Would we understand what Jesus was willing to go through to woo us if we didn’t experience some of our own suffering? Could we truly know the love He has for us?

In us, and walking with us, God is making possible a relationship that will fulfill us so much that we will look back and think the pain was worth it, was miniscule in comparison. We can't see that now, but one day we will. Pour your heart out to God. Grief and depression can't be rushed—and they are not without purpose. God is a redeemer, and He will redeem this time, and restore your soul. Cling to Him.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 says, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”

The very sovereignty that allows our hard circumstances is the same sovereignty that protects us.

Finding our refuge in God means knowing He is good when life is not. He is sovereign when life seems out of control. He is loving when we feel alone or abandoned. His grace is sufficient for us and what we need will be there, even if what we want or think we need is not there. Seek first the Kingdom of God. Know that He hears when He appears silent, when it seems He is paying no attention. Know He answers—and He is near. He will give us grace in our time of need.

Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

Ps 71:20
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Lam 2:19
"...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord..."

Ps 73:21-26
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Ps 13:1-6
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

See also Stories of Hope

Grace in our Time of Need Part 5: God's Protection

We have lost part of the protection of God in our world (after the "Fall" of Adam and Eve), and we live with the result—a world plagued with horror and disease and the atrocities of what one man does to another. Some people consider these things to be evidence that there is no God. However, I think Thomas Merton’s view is closer to the truth, he wrote:

“It is only the infinite mercy and love of God that has prevented us from tearing ourselves to pieces and destroying His entire creation long ago. People seem to think that it is in some way a proof that no merciful God exists, if we have so many wars. On the contrary, consider how in spite of centuries of sin and greed and lust and cruelty and hatred and avarice and oppression and injustice, spawned and bred by the free wills of men, the human race can still recover, each time, and can still produce men and women who overcome evil with good, hatred with love, greed with charity, lust and cruelty with sanctity. How could all this be possible without the merciful love of God, pouring out His grace upon us?” —A Thomas Merton Reader, pg. 40

If God has not extended to you the grace you wanted, the miracle healing, the return of a prodigal child, the freedom from wondering how you will make it until the next paycheck, the restoration of a marriage in trouble, relief from depression or anxiety, or maybe a past hurt such as abuse—if God has not extended you this grace, I humbly submit He has extended you another grace that is just as powerful and amazing. How could our faith remain, even thrive, if not for the grace of God? I think I would have crumbled long ago.

God has protected man throughout the ages by always ensuring there is a remnant who follows Him. We have no way of knowing how many things God really does spare us from, in His mercy. He lets us see the full extent of sin, how awful it is to live without God—and I believe it is in the hope that we will turn to Him, realize He is our only protection and hope. His desire is that we will allow Him to draw us near, to shelter us in His wings, to receive His love.

“Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”
—Ps 63:7-8

***

What are God’s intentions towards me?

… to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. —Isaiah 61:1-3
Jesus’ Call…
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls… —Matthew 11:28-29

Our Response to God…

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. —Habakkuk 3:17-19
Next time Part 6 (the conclusion): God Hears



Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

See also Stories of Hope

Grace in Our Time of Need Part 4: Lies and Truth

Several years ago I was going through a period of depression, and I went to a Christian Counselor. The first thing he asked me to do when I went home was to write down all of my negative thoughts. Yeah, that sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Ha! My first thought was, “I don’t have any.” Then, when I started hearing them, I didn’t want to share them! But as I did, the counselor began to show me truth—what God’s word says, and how my negative thoughts were really lies.

I started keeping a “Lies and Truth” chart, and wow, was that transforming in my life! When you start identifying the thoughts, and asking God to show you what the lies are, and then what the truth is, and you write it down, it becomes a powerful tool for healing.

Here is a list of some of the lies we say to ourselves—maybe without even realizing that we are filling our mind with lies, and the truth of how God sees us, the truth in His word, the truth of His grace.

Lie: God is distant, He doesn’t care about me.
Truth: "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." — Zephaniah 3:17

Truth: "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart…" — Isaiah 40:11

Lie: I am worthless to God. He despises me.
Truth: "Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers." — Hebrews 2:11

(That one still startles me in amazement--God as Father has almost become cliche--but Jesus as brother--meditate and absorb the depth of that thought).

Truth: "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. —Luke 12:32

Lie: God is mad at me.
Truth: "…We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand." —Romans 5:1-2

Lie: God abandons us when we’re hurting.
Truth: "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." —Psalm 34:18

Truth: "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge." —Psalm 18:2

Truth: "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." —Psalm 119:50

Lie: God can’t still love me.
Truth: "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord who has compassion on you." —Isaiah 54:10

Lie: I can never change, I don’t measure up.
Truth: "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with everincreasing glory."
—2 Corinthians 3:18

Truth: "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." —Lamentations 3:22-23

(That last one was written by the Prophet Jeremiah when the Israelites had been taken captive by the Babylonians.)

You might also want to see a copy of the “Identity in Christ” chart compiled by my husband and from Neil Anderson's Victory Over the Darkness.

When we want God to change our circumstances, I think it’s tempting to shrug off what God is offering, His Presence, a spiritual stronghold, a refuge for our souls from the assault of lies that tell us we must be unworthy or God would answer. And yet...Jesus, our brother, was not unworthy when He suffered. Maybe today, God wants you to know that even though you don’t understand why He doesn’t answer as you want, you are His worthy child, the one He cares for deeply as He seeks your trust in a difficult trial.

Next time: Part 5, God’s Protection

Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

See also Stories of Hope

Grace in Our Time of Need Part 3: Can I still be your God?

Ken Gire, in his book The North Face of God, tells the story of a young man, we’ll call him Jim, who loved the Lord and wanted to serve as a pastor—and he longed to be a father. Jim was close to his own father, and dreamed of having a son he could share his life with.

He became a youth pastor, and got married, but his wife had a heart defect and they were told that she could never have children. So they decided to adopt. One day the call came that a 4-day old baby was waiting at the hospital, ready to be theirs: Their long-awaited son.

They brought him home, and were full of dreams for this little one—but they soon realized something was wrong. The baby hated to be held and would stiffen up all over. As the boy grew, they learned he had a number of learning disabilities and psychiatric problems. They took him for many assessments and tried to find help for him. When he was 10 or 11, they were told that by the time he was 18, he’d be dead or behind bars.

They refused to believe it, and tried a private school, and then homeschooling. Sure enough, he got mixed up in drugs and ended up in jail.

Jim had a friend who also had a son in trouble, and they talked often. Exciting things were happening at his friend’s church—God’s hand was moving, and people were coming to know Christ—and finally even his friend’s son was turning back to God. But nothing changed for Jim. And he told his friend he couldn’t stand to hear one more miracle of Jesus story. It was too painful.

Some people might have abandoned Jim at this point, but not his friend. They continued to meet and talk over the years. And one year a group of people from their church decided to meet with the man and pray with him, and they prayed together every week for a year and a half. They became the man’s lifeline.

Jim did a 40 day fast and sought the Lord in every way he knew how, but his only answer was silence.

One day he decided to go to the prayer room at church and stay there until he heard from God. Jim was broken and at the very end of his rope, he was desperate. He waited for 5 hours, and then he finally heard God speak. And this is what God said:

“Can I still be your God if I never heal your son? If I never speak to you the way you want Me to?”

“Yes,” the man replied.

Do you think Jim’s faith brings less joy to God than the faith of his friend whose son turned back to God? Do you think Jim is less worthy of God’s love and grace than his friend? Yet how often do we reject God’s grace in our lives by our negative, self-degrading thoughts?

I’m not worthy. I’ve messed up too many times.

God must not really love me, or He would change this circumstance in my life.

I’m not important to God or He would answer.

I think of the words Jim heard—“Can I still be your God?” what vulnerability—what love God communicated in that simple question. These were not the words of a vengeful, unfeeling God. God saw the man’s pain. God knew he asked much of the man to endure such pain.

If you are doing your best to love and follow God, and you wish you could more and more—can you believe God is pleased with you? He takes joy in your effort, your heart’s desire.

Romans 12:1 says, “I urge you, brothers, sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-- this is your spiritual act of worship.”

When we go through pain in our lives, it doesn’t have to be meaningless. We can turn it around and say, “God, I don’t know why I need to go through this, but I ask You to somehow be glorified in this.” We can remember that Christ thought we were worthy of His suffering, when we go through our dark nights and struggle to remember that He is worthy of our suffering.

Next time Part 4: Lies and Truth

Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

See also Stories of Hope

Grace in our Time of Need, Part 2: God’s Silence

My husband Dave and I moved here 11 years ago. Dave was the children’s pastor at our church for 2 years before he had to go on medical leave. At the time he left, he had a myriad of symptoms but no diagnosis. A few months later we finally learned that Dave has Chronic Lyme Disease, and that he probably went undiagnosed for 15 years. That is how far back we can trace his symptoms.

Lyme Disease, when it is treated right away, is usually curable. But when left untreated or when it’s undertreated, it can wreak havoc on any, and sometimes nearly every organ and system in the body. Dave has had incredible pain in every joint in his body, and horrendous headaches. The neurological problems are the most disabling.

Near the end of his time at church, he would have conversations with people but couldn’t remember what they talked about. He would keep lists of what to do and lose his lists. After he left and the illness progressed, he would get lost in familiar places—one time he got lost between our house and the Subway restaurant which is 3 blocks away.

He will sometimes feel good enough to go get a paper or go to a store, and will see someone there. They look familiar but he can’t always remember a name and sometimes doesn’t remember if he’s supposed to know them. To him this is so discouraging. His job was to love people, his passion was to love people, and Lyme has stripped away his ability to do that.

Sometimes he will try to walk and his leg won’t move, or he’ll have tremors in his arms and legs. Other days he can walk in a store and even pick up groceries. Some days he can read, and other days the words dance around on the page and don’t make sense. There are times when he’ll forget he’s on medical leave and ask me if he has a meeting to go to. He lives forever with the feeling that he’s forgetting to do something, because the Lyme affects how the neurons in the brain communicate with each other. Some days he will think and speak fairly clearly, and others he will stutter and his speech will be slow. He’s very sensitive to sound, smell, motion, and light. We keep the shades drawn most of the time and use no overhead lights.

I remember one day Dave was sleeping and our daughter Anna, who was 2.5 at the time, looked at me as she reached for the light switch, and I told her she could turn the light on. It struck me then that we live much of our lives in semi-darkness.

The kids and I typically have to change clothes and bathe after church and other outings because the smell of perfume makes Dave pass out.

You never know what to expect with Lyme. I think that is one of the hardest parts of dealing with the illness; every day is different and you can’t plan on anything. I’ve seen Dave improve and slip back so many times that I know judging his symptoms does not give us solid ground to rely on. Sometimes he’ll ask, “Why is my body doing this?” and the answer of Lyme seems empty and hollow.

I cannot even begin to explain what it has been like to lose my soul mate. The intimacy we once had is gone as he is not able to sustain the same level of conversation, the memories, or the depth we once enjoyed with one another. We get glimpses—and oh, I love the glimpses! We share when we can, but then the moment melts away. A simple conversation is exhausting to him and often will end with him needing to lie down.

He has made some improvements since beginning treatment. He has been able to go to our small group, and last fall he was able to teach for a time. This winter he was struggling to read again. So we take the good with the bad on this roller-coaster of life we live!

Our children are 10 and 12 now. They recognize his symptoms, and encourage him to rest or take his medicine. One minute he is the father, taking care of them—the next they are trying to take care of him.

I remember the first year Dave was diagnosed, and we felt so hopeless. Years of searching led to answers that weren’t really answers at all. And I often prayed, “God, heal him, bring him back to me—or take him home to be with You, but don’t leave him this way.” I prayed that for months, until I felt like I was banging my head on the brick wall of God’s silence.

Exasperated, I remember going to God and saying, “You have to do something!” But there was no answer. And then, when I realized that God wasn’t taking either of the alternatives I had offered Him (go ahead, laugh!), I asked, “God, what are your intentions towards Dave?”

And I heard God’s answer, clearly, almost audibly, “Merry, what are your intentions? What will you do if nothing changes?”

My intention was then, and remains today, to be faithful to my husband and my God. The grace of God brought me into this place of faith.

What are your intentions?

Next time, Part 3: Can I still be your God?

Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

See also Stories of Hope

Grace in Our Time of Need, Part 1: God's Joy

It’s been awhile since I told our story or gave an update. A couple of weeks ago I gave a talk for a women’s retreat, and several people have asked to see it, so I’m going to do a series of posts over the next week or two. I guess you could call this my personal testimony of God’s grace to us in a life-changing circumstance that I never would have asked for!

But first I thought I’d tell a cute story about grace. One day when my kids were about 5 & 7, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I had a headache, I didn’t want to face the day, I was a total grump. I had been teaching my kids about grace and how we can help each other, and this particular morning I let my kids know that I just didn’t feel good and didn’t have energy for anything. I sent them to do some chores while I was working upstairs. I came across them 5 or 10 minutes later, both doing extra work, each having independently decided that *Mom* needed some grace that day. And they were right--*I* was the one having trouble meeting the standard! Their grace to me gave me such a huge boost that I had extra energy all of a sudden, put some of their clothes away and cleaned out their dressers for them.

God’s grace is amazing. It changes us—Titus 2:12, one of my favorite verses says that grace teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly pleasures. Grace is contagious—when we share it with others, they want to share it too. And grace is what brings us through the hard times, isn’t it? When we just don’t think we can deal with anything more, God somehow gives us His strength to continue on.

Most of us probably have some hurt, some painful trial, present or past. You may feel trapped, like you have no choices—you may be suffering under a burden of false guilt or other negative thoughts—or you may feel that no one is watching out for your needs. In Hebrews 4:16, God tells us to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Let’s pray.
“God, we thank you and praise you that you are with us. May we see you today. Fill us with the joy of your presence. Give us a desire, a longing to seek you more and more in every way, to cry out to you, and know that you are the best and only thing we have. Our rock, our strength, our security, our hope, our stronghold. Teach us, Lord, to be honest with you, to submit to you and to allow your grace to transform our hearts. In the name of our precious Lord Jesus, who for the joy set before Him shed His blood. Amen.”

Isn’t that amazing? Do you ever think about what God’s joy was, what made Him willing to die on the cross? It’s a relationship with us, that’s His joy.

Take a few moments this morning to bask in the sunshine of God’s joy—to calm your mind and soul, put aside the busy-ness of life for a few minutes, and remember He takes joy in you. Next time, Part 2: God’s Silence

Grace in Our Time of Need, other posts:

~Part 1:  God's Joy
~Part 2:  God's Silence
~Part 3:  Can I Still Be Your God? 
~Part 4:  Lies and Truth
~Part 5:  God's Protection
~Part 6:  God Hears

See also Stories of Hope